I finally got to see the sports doctor on Friday. In his report it says...plays on roller derby team and was injured from falling...reinjured shoulder a week later while breakdancing....
The not so funny part is that my shoulder will take a fucking year to get full range of motion back. I have to constantly keep myself from freaking out about that. Could be worse...it could always be worse.
Hmmm. Jack started therapy...counseling.... two weeks ago. Was having a terrible time with irrational fears. He kept terrifying his precious little self with things like......"float fear" (his label) that there will be sharp things floating around the room and they'll poke him. He say something in a movie a long time ago.... He was having vivid nightmares about gross stuff like a machine that sucks all the blood out of hearts (there was even a gauge that said when the heart was empty) and a brain that had tubes in it and there was fluid running through the tubes. The therapist says our family is "just lovely" and that I'm handeling his issues really well. Jezuz, though...he was getting himself so worked up that he actually was going into shock. It was scary for ME. Thank goodness for visualization. Before seeing her we did things like him drawing a picture of what was terrifying him and then he screamed at it and stomping on it and ripping it into tiny peices and then we woul cerimoniously burn it..that worked for 2 things... at night when it was/is the most intense we go to our "meditating spot" in our minds. We've done this for years but it's been especially helpful this time around. While we are falling asleep I take them on a journey of the senses...like laying in a meadow by a waterfall...blah blah blah... you know waht I mean. Usually by the time I run out of stuff to talk about both of the kids are asleep. Lately Jack has been doing it on his own which is a big step. What the therapist recommended was making light of things as they come up, playing with his ideas and turning them around to make him feel powerful. Excellent advice, really. I just remember having those feelings when I was a kid and I would try to tell my parents how I was feeling and feeling so overwhelmed with anxiety and not understanding what was going on inside of me. I would be so terrified by my thoughts and so out of control that I would throw up... my parents response would be "shut up and go to bed" and if I persisted I'd get the shit beat out of me. That would take my mind off of what was bothering me, I guess. ANyway, I just wanted him to know that it's ok to feel fucked up. Everyone feels fucked up sometimes (or even most of the time) but it's what you do with that fucked up energy that makes the difference. I want him to always feel like he can talk to me about whats going on inside of him. EVen when he can't explain it himself. Especially when he can't explain it himself.
Being a human is hard...being a human parent of a human is even harder.